had u ever feel pressure?

 

taking about pressure, i really feel it now.it's something that u keep thinking in ur mind, it makes ur head so heavy, makes u bad mood...

 

what can i do? u know, somtimes i wish i could be rebellious, but i can't. it's not easy.

 

mum look a job for me, simply give a date that i will go for the job. it this good? i never know what is the job, i never even tell her i want the job and i never said when i will start working! is this fair? what she did is rite? for my own good?

 

i really really want to rebelled, i can just tell her:" i never said i want the job, since u agree with the person in charge then u go for the job!". u know what she will said? she will just said:" if u don't go for the job then don't comeback,don't call me mum!"..can u imagine?this is how how she force me to do whatever she want?...if i reply:" ok, don't call u mum then don't call lar!", pack my stuff and run away from home.u know how big is the problem had become??

 

i had think of a few strategies to counter-attack..first, i can go for the job, then after a few month,then i resign...or i perform very bad,until the company sack me!.. but i don't think the last 1 is a good strategies...i won't do anything that will hurt my reputation...anyway, u know..once i accept the job, i know that this will be my life..i will just work and work and work...won't rebelled..anyone who know me, will know my personality, timid kinds of person, not dare to voice out....

 

u know, if i think of the good side, it's not bad at all. i could get a job, hv fixed salary and no burden if i work in sgt....but i still don't want to lose to my mum! even i know it is good, i still don't wanna accept it, coz i hate being treated as a doll, everything is control by her!i want to show her that i can survive without her " good plan"...so sad, i really don't want to be control...even if what she did is good...

 

last nite, i heard some noice, so i look out of the window, checking where the noice come from...i can't see anything just a few cars parked at the car park....the sound must be coming out from one of the car but i can't see clearly which car..the noice is sometimes loud n sometimes low...for sure, i know it is a guy crying,quiet loud and he bang his car..like complaining something...i wonder what happen to the guy..feel pity, he must be very hurt...then later a saw a girl coming out of the car n she close the car door hard...and walk away from the car..then the guy rush to grab the girl and push her back to the car park..i suddently feel scare...i scare the guy is going crazy and may hurt the girl or even kill her..he was acting aggresive...

 

 

i didn't continue to see what happen at the end, cause i don't think things will end up so soon...and they were under the carpark roof, i can't see what happen from my room...

 

can u imagine, once they are such a lovely couple, loving each other..and then now they saw each other as enemy, but i guess it's the girl that break the guy's heart...who should be blame? it is the girl or the guy. u blame the girl for being so cold heart or u blame the guy for making things complicated,why won't he just let go...its too complicated..i think in a relationship, there is no right or wrong...a wonderful and happy relationship is only exist in fairy tales..not in this cruel world...

 

yoo.... sien

shit! i am going to be segamat poh liao...

 

pro n cons of working in segamat

 

pro

1. save cost- no rental, no food expenses, no transportation cost( dad's car)

2. familiar with segamat- queen of segamat!

3. live like a princess..wahahaha...ai..more like a servant then princess...

 

cons

1. no internet!!!..end of the world...

2. no friends- how to survive??

3. boring life stye- no entertainment...goodbye cinema..goodbye club...hello to end of the world..

4. becoming a " ah soh" coz stay too much with aunty and ah soh

5. become segamat poh.....years later, u will shock with my sgt look

6. no leng chai....all ah pek and ah gong...no motivation to keep fit lar...

 

shit! is there anything thing that could increase my motivation to stay in sgt?..yo..help me to stay alive...

 

 

 

 

 

 

sick of everything around me....

 

i wanna go home...the place where i can live without fear...a place where i can feel warm and honesty...i wanna be pampered, be loved...even sometimes there will be conflicts...but home is always the best place...that's why "home sweet home" exist...

my day dreaming sickness is getting worse...

 

few occations of doing something weired...em..acctually is not weired....for example, there is one occation where i use body shampoo to wash my hair...not realise it until i wonder, why the smell of sampoo is so familiar...like body shampoo!!..ha..there was another occation, where i was going to have a bath in the afternoon, then i just went to the bathroom and pick up my toothbrush n brush my teeth...then i stop, wandering why i am brushing my teeth in the afternoon?opps...i was thinking something again until i forget what i was going to do...and today, when i was doing my revision, i heard some noice coming from the bathroom,something like the sound of water...so, i go to check the bathroom,and u know, water running out from the tap....and i can't remember when  i had went to the bathroom...keep thinking, really can't remember when did i let the tap open...had i think too much?? is this a sickness or what? or just normal...

why must act cool? to protect yourself or who? or acting cool is all you do all the time?

 

izit i am naive or stupid? or think too much?...why i need to be lier? why must i act cool? to feel better? 

 

are you telling me the truth? the truth of ur feeling?

 

life is complicated..too much questions that i wanna ask and wanna know the answers..but there will never be any answers. everyone is wearing a mask, nobody knows what are the truth behind the mask...should i just cool down and act like nothing is wrong or should i keep thinking?wondering about the true answers..or maybe the answers that i hope to hear??

 

what i wanna do now is to scold bad word!!!shit! @#$*###@@@**#@!!!!!!!!

 

wonder why..why do people feel boring??or lonely?

 

sometimes is not because you are too free and have nothing to do...maybe this is the life that make you feel boring...or maybe you are alone all the time, nobody  talk to you, nobody care what you did, nobody to share your feeling, your happiness.

 

sometimes i think i spend too much time alone that i feel boring all the time. i m like talking to myself...imaginating or wandering all the time...em..sometimes just miss the feeling of talking to somebody, someone who can listen and reply me...

 

hmm...maybe i miss my ex-housemates...used to talk to them all the times...everyday, telling them what happen in class, what i had bought and complains...ya..and spend our time together, watching tv...never feel boring before..

 

now, graduate soon...i wonder if i wanna work in kl...i m scared of feeling lonely, i hate life in  kl. should i stay or go home or any where except kl.